WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
