Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
