What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
