I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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