Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
