Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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