I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
