12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
