Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
