he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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