she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
