Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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