Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
