the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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