forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wish there were birth control emojis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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