I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
