So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
