I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
