DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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