at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
