And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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