How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
