I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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