How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
