I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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