It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
