It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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