2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
