dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
