wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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