i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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