We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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