sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
