Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
