So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
