i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
They should really pass out barf bags in church
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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