I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
