please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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