Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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