i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
