I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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