I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
