I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
