Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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