wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
