And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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