The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
