tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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