Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
