There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
