just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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