dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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