I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
