Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
