I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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