is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
