I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He better not be in your backpack
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
