she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
