You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
pop tarts are not kleenex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
