watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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