Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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