Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
