just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
