i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I didn't notice because vodka
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
