She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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