a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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